today is the final day of 2020. it’s been… a year. a year that needs no introduction. a year that’s become the punchline of jokes and the reason why many things didn’t work out the way people had in mind. it gets a pretty bad rap, and while it’s certainly not my favorite year ever, it hasn’t been a complete waste. i’m not looking to minimize or discount some of the truly awful things that have happened this year, but i’m closing it out with some reflections and gratitude for the ways in which there was still good to be found.
2020: lost
we’ll begin with what was lost. this is not meant to be all-encompassing; it is just a sampling of some of the things that i personally experienced as a loss at a high-level.
lost my grandma dahl.
we said goodbye at the beginning of February and were (thankfully) able to gather together to celebrate her life before COVID restrictions came to be. the quote that best describes her comes from my dad, “she wasn’t the life of the party, but she would never miss a party.”
lost the ability to travel.
i love to travel, both for work and fun. like many, there were numerous trips that never got to be. from our annual trip to las vegas where i speak at the EXHIBITORLIVE conference, to a girls trip to NYC with my mom to celebrate her 60th birthday, to our annual family vacation to okoboji, to a trip (somewhere) to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary, to my company’s annual user conference in orlando, and many other miscellaneous trips in between. even simply being able to drive to my hometown to visit my parents.
lost most face-to-face interactions
i started to work from home in the middle of march and while there certainly have been perks to this, not having interactions with real people, in real life, has been hard. i’m some sort of mix between an introvert and extrovert and while i definitely appreciate my own quiet time, too much of it begins to be unhealthy. speaking to a screen for hours on end, pouring out so much energy and getting none back in return is incredibly draining.
lost being able to do… much of anything, or at least that is how it sometimes felt.
2020: found
what i really want to focus on, however, is what i have found this year. as i mentioned, in the midst of the hard there was some good, a lot of growth, and many lessons learned.
found a genuine community within our neighborhood
in a year of staying home, we spent a lot of time outside this spring…and summer… and fall… and so far this winter. while everything was closed (or at least felt that way), the gem that is our neighborhood was very much open. we moved here just shy of two years ago and, of course, hoped that we’d have nice neighbors, but we ended up with people that are not only nice but pretty incredible. every evening after daycare and every weekend (before and after naptime) you could find us (safely) in someone’s driveway or backyard. together the littles rode in power wheels, mastered their balance bikes, built sandcastles, played with bubbles, ran through sprinklers and jumped in pools, made chalk drawings, adventured to the playground, watched fireworks, played with piñatas, ate snacks, went trick or treating, and played baseball… just to name a few. and while the littles played the parents got to hang out and enjoy the community of being in this together (and sometimes, many times, there was wine.) these people have become our closest friends and a true village for raising a family.
found AN appreciation for time spent with family
my brothers, parents, and i all live within a couple of hours of each other, so there have really never been many barriers to even the shortest of visits. and before march, it was not uncommon for any combination of a member of my family to be visiting over the weekend. i would have liked to think that i already had a great appreciation for being able to so easily and often see my family, but, as the saying goes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
found my own resiliency to adapt to many changes at work
this year has been one of the most, “challenging”, years at my job than i’ve ever had. not unlike many of you, in the middle of march we started to work from home. i vividly remember walking out of the office on march 13 feeling like, this is weird, but we’ll be back in a couple of weeks. (so cute of me). at first, it was fine, thankfully our home has separate workspaces for both [b] and extra thankfully little man was still in daycare. but soon, working at home soon felt like living at work. in the middle of a pandemic. it was draining, is draining. and when your job has to do with trade shows and events, and suddenly those things are not allowed… it’s unsettling. these, along with other big changes at work, has significantly tested me. i found, or rather re-found, my own resiliency to continually adapt to change after change. change is difficult for me, it can trigger my anxiety and it takes me time to process and adjust, but i did it.
found a passion for moving my body
we got a peloton at the tail end of 2019 and i had started to dabble in taking some classes, trying to get up early or fit them in before i left for the office. in mid-march when, like many, i was now working from home i found one of the first silver linings (outside of wearing leggings, no make-up, and top knots every day) that was the added flexibility to fit in a ride or a class more easily now that i didn’t have a commute and the “gym” was right downstairs. within a few weeks, i had officially drunk the kool-aid and became passionate about it. for the first time, i looked forward to moving my body and looked forward to taking a ride or a class. i started doing some strength training, stretching, meditation, yoga, barre—everything. the routine, the endorphins, the community… it is what has made it possible for me to have maintained as healthy of a mental state as i’ve had through all of this. i have no question i would have struggled significantly more without finding joy in moving my body. most recently, i joined a challenge group where i’m doing a strength training program, and paired with my peloton i am in the best shape that i have been in…a long time. i now find joy and celebration in fitness versus punishment and means to an end. this mental shift is absolutely life-changing.
some other things that i discovered…
found true friendships. when typical convenience is taken away you have to be very intentional about continuing to build connections. i’m even more thankful for these relationships than ever before.
found extreme gratitude for our home. as i shared, we built our home so that we would each have our own space. we definitely didn’t foresee us both working from home for months on end, but i’m so appreciative of our set-up.
found joy in the extra moments spent with [b]. whether it was while we were filling or refilling our coffee, grabbing lunch, or just popping in between meetings—i have really enjoyed these small but special bonus moments with my husband.
found how much i have to learn to be an ally of all underrepresented groups who experience hate and injustice, just how much privilege i have, the true importance of educating myself and of advocacy. when you know better, do better.
found what a privilege it is to be a momma. not every moment is pretty, in fact, most aren’t. but this year little man has grown so much. he amazes me, tests me, inspires me, exhausts me. regardless of the million emotions that he makes me feel, the one feeling that is the strongest is just how proud i am to be his mom, and to (try) to raise him into a kind human.
yes, this year was tough, and yes, i have a very privileged perspective, but i do believe that in between those hard moments there was immense growth. if we were never challenged we would never have the opportunity to grow. because the truth is, that often it’s not the darkness that makes us strong, it’s that it requires us to prove just how strong we were all along.
this was just a grouping of 366 days labeled as 2020 (though it totally felt like 9,986 days). and nothing magical is going to happen when the clock strikes midnight and the new year begins UNLESS you step into your power and own your own strength.
you’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself. // glinda the good witch
i would love for you to share this with your friends, to share something that resonated most with you, to share your own lost and found. wishing you all a wonderful year ahead.
